Showing posts with label family. Show all posts
Showing posts with label family. Show all posts

Friday, August 20, 2010

HEADING NORTH

Asher, Sally, Ben and Zeke

Albuquerque, NM -- How do you know when it's time to leave? We didn't. I just made a plane reservation, and we're flying home tomorrow.

Mom is able to manage fairly well on her own now. She lives alone, so we made her act as if we weren't there the last few days. She has showered, dressed, made her own meals (mostly) and gone for short walks. Her strength is slowly returning just as we're leaving.

Flying out of Albuquerque used to be an annoyance until my nephew Asher moved there with his family, Sally and their 2-year-old twins Ben and Zeke. Now it's a blast!

The six of us hopped a train this evening and had dinner in Santa Fe. The 45-minute ride back turned into a 2 1/2-hour ordeal when our train hit a pedestrian. The pedestrian was barely injured, but the paperwork took hours.

Ben and Zeke kept us entertained -- in fact the whole car. Zeke came out of the bathroom and announced, "I pooped in the potty!!"

The train attendant put him on the intercom, "I pooped in the potty!"

Fun times.

Friday, August 13, 2010

OUR OWN LITTLE HEAVEN

Albuquerque, NM -- We found it. The store of our dreams.

Okay, maybe that's an overstatement, but we often walk through entire stores without seeing anything relevant to our lives, usually leaving without buying anything.

And then we went to REI. First there was the bike department. Then the backpacks and bags, and then the high-tech fiber clothing and then the hats with UV protection. A few hours and several hundred dollars later, we came out with that amazing bike tool, which has everything we don't know how to use to repair our bikes, two tire patch kits, a little bike saddle bag that fits under the seat, a couple of hats, a foldup Sherpani backpack, a computer bag for Chip....

Mom's been released from the hospital now. She's making quick progress. Hospitals are no place to get well. We're all staying in a hotel, still taking turns mom-watching, spending the remainder of the time that we're not at REI with my nephew and his awesome family. It's unplanned family time and perhaps more precious for that.

Cruising offers us more time to spend with our families, but otherwise takes us so very far away from them.

Tuesday, August 10, 2010

LOST IN DAYS

Albuquerque, NM -- Days pass in the foggy existence of hospital life. We laugh, we sit, we talk.

They ask mom what day it is, and we all glance at each other, uncertain. They ask her what year it is. I can tell she doesn't know, so she cracks a joke to steal time.

She's stable now but weak. They promise us parole soon.

"I'm sorry I interrupted your plans," mom says.

"I'm sure I interrupted yours a few times over the years," I reply.

Sunday, August 8, 2010

WATCHING OVER MOM

Albuquerque, NM -- I sit in the eery light of the nighttime ICU. The whir of machines, the beep of the heart monitor, my own nervous watchfulness keep me from sleeping.

Mom has been here for a week. I just arrived tonight.

Sometime during the night I heard her stir. I rose from my makeshift bed on the recliner to see if she needed help. She reached out with her eyes closed, took my hand and gently stroked, stroked, stroked it, for those few moments spinning us back through time. I stood beside the bed in my socks feeling small and weepy.

We're keeping a schedule, my sister, Chip and me. One of us on watch around the clock. It's always the nighttime when mom gets restless, when I wonder if she misses my dad, wonder if she feels alone, wonder if we're enough.

Wednesday, August 4, 2010

GRILL SARGEANT


The new, undamaged grill has finally arrived, the grill we've been admiring at the boat show for 8 years.

One more thing checked off the list. We now have a second kitchen in the cockpit.

Mom continues to have complications and procedures, far away in New Mexico. Every day, every hour her condition changes.

We check flights. We make checklists for leaving the boat. Then we wait.

And grill in the cockpit.

Tuesday, August 3, 2010

REASONING

Last week we grappled with why we couldn't make the break, leave our home waters. No matter what we tried, something prevented us from leaving.

"The universe took one of our spark plugs," I told Chip about the dinghy motor landing in the shop for 10 days. We can't leave without it.

It's now clear in hindsight why we were waylaid here in Manteo. This impending trip to New Mexico would have been so difficult if we were already in the Chesapeake. We would have to find a safe place to keep the boat, find people we trusted to keep an eye on her. And then we would worry.

One of the things we like about cruising is that we are able to help our aging parents. The last five years with the wine shop, it was not possible to leave on short notice or stay indefinitely. Now we can. Sooner than we thought.

We monitor mom's condition from afar, judging the best time to make the trip. Our hope is to arrive when she goes home so we can be there to help her get back on her feet.

The struggle we face is her continued life-threatening complications. My sister and I confer on the phone, but she is the one who is there to make the life and death decisions, to listen to the litany of hideous things that could happen as a result of the procedures she approves, spending her nights on a recliner in ICU.

One thousand eight hundred and eighty-five miles seems infinite.

Monday, August 2, 2010

THE MIDNIGHT CALL

Our daughter, Casey, and our 5-year-old friend, Townes, slept over with us on the boat last night. We played games, romped in the playground and went on an "adventure." Sweet times.

Everyone was quietly in bed at 10:00.

Soon thereafter I got the first call.

My 78-year-old mom was coughing up blood and being flown from Roswell to Albuquerque.

By 4 a.m. she was having emergency surgery to repair two tears in her left lung, in danger of bleeding out at any time.

After four hours of surgery, they gave up on repairing the second tear and planned to go back in this afternoon.

By 4 p.m. she had stabilized and apparently the other tear is healing on its own. She is on a breathing tube and heavily sedated, therefore content and resting.

We will see what tomorrow holds.

A trip to New Mexico is in our near future.

*That image is a card Townes made for us, by himself, while his parents were sleeping. He doesn't know how to write cursive, so he found a Cara Mia shirt and copied the text. We love you, Townes. You will always have a home on Cara Mia.

Thursday, April 1, 2010

WHY DIDN'T WE KNOW THIS?

Symptoms: confusion, delirium, nightmares, memory loss, agitation.

Diagnosis: urinary tract infection.

Really? This sounds like an April Fool's joke.

The doctors and nurses acted nonchalant about mom's symptoms, "We see this response to urinary tract infections all the time in the elderly."

Really?
"The link between dementia and urinary tract infections was made nearly 20 years ago, while general awareness is improving, it should be better."
Actually, the correct term is 'delirium,' which arises quickly and is temporary, as opposed to 'dementia,' which has a slow onset and is permanent.

Any sudden change in elderly behavior -- agitation, memory loss, inability to perform usual tasks -- should be a red flag that an infection can exist. The good news is that once the infection clears up, so do the symptoms.

Mom has been on antibiotics now for a week and is making a great comeback.

If this problem is so prevalent, why had none of us heard of it? Consider this the beginning of an awareness campaign. Spread the word.

IDENTIFIED FLYING OBJECT

My week has been something like this:
Palm Beach --> Baltimore --> Norfolk --> Outer Banks --> Norfolk -->Dallas/Fort Worth --> Roswell

My mom took ill over the weekend of the boat show, so I've come home to Roswell for a week to help take care of her. (Maybe I'll rest in May.)

That's not really mom in the photo. Sorry. As tiring as "that alien" thing is for us Roswellites, it is just flat irresistible. I wrote about it many years ago at washingtonpost.com. (None of the links work any more, so don't bother clicking.)

We're still trying to figure out what's wrong with mom. Maybe she swallowed a weather balloon.

Tuesday, December 8, 2009

FEELING GROOVY

"I feel like we're motoring through deep water," I told Chip today. Not like flying at full speed, but a strong, steady pace. After months of feeling totally aground, this is a new and suspect feeling. Watch for shoals.

We met with Ted and Nancy and their contractor to help work out a little snag in the contract. The meeting went great.

Our pace is steady.

The four of us spent the afternoon shopping with Uncle George and Aunt Peggy, and like good, "active adults," zipped into the Texas Roadhouse in time to get the $7.99 early-bird dinners. ;-) And speaking of active adults, as we were leaving the restaurant, I noticed we had lost Nancy, Ted and Peggy.

"Chip, you better come see this!" I yelled.

Nancy, at 4'11" and 80 years old, had climbed up on the saddle by the hostess stand. Fueled by a strawberry margarita, she was laughing so hard she was having trouble with the dismount. Yee haw.

Our active elders then took us to the casino.

Chip put in one quarter, spun five gold bells and won $129.

No shoals in sight!

Friday, September 25, 2009

MARKERS

I am water in a family of concrete, an antonym in a book of synonyms. I'm a tumbleweed in a family of oaks, a tent amongst brick houses.

My mom has lived in my hometown her whole life. She married an 'outsider' who had only lived there since he was three. The two of them raised four children, three that took root and live even now within 10 miles of the hospital where they were born -- and me, the tumbleweed, who has lived in twelve cities in seven states and now threatens to leave dry ground completely.

Despite the fact that most of my family stays well rooted, we've never been overly curious about our ancestry. There have been little tidbits here and there, rumors of a great-great grandfather killing a man in Oklahoma, a grandfather's secret second family in Texas, but we aren't one of those families that can declare clear lineage or exact percentages of national origin. None of us really knows or thought to care.

While Chip and I were in Ocracoke this week, we meandered past a small cemetery where I took this photo:
"This is weird, Chip. That's my great grandfather's name, George Howard."

We moved on to the next graveyard a few yards down the street where all the markers bore Williams, my mother's maiden name.

We crossed the street to a third small cemetery where half the stones were etched with Fulcher.

Someone once told me that every child deserves to have someone unrelated to them that loves them unconditionally. Curt and Tommie Fulcher were that for me. They filled my childhood with outdoor barbecues, fishing trips, cards games and laughter. I always considered them my adopted grandparents. And here was their name too, alongside those of my family.
On a tiny island on the easternmost reaches of the country, I was surrounded by names from home, a home more than 1,800 miles away, names of people who were not rooted in New Mexico but surely arrived on this island by venturing across the wide open ocean, wanderers, adventurers, tumbleweeds. It got me wondering about the secrets deep in our DNA, wondering if those underground roots that we cannot see could be more binding than I thought, and wondering if maybe we're all woven together a little tighter than we know.

Monday, September 21, 2009

21

Casey in the Outer Banks. Photo by Chris Hannant

Dylan in Ireland. Photo by Brett Wyatt

Hey you kids! I don't often quote Jimmy Buffett, but, among other profound things like "I blew out a flip-flop," he said, "the years get shorter, not longer." They also get crowded and a little messy. Right now you've got long, wide open years stretching out before you. Don't wait to do the things you dream of. Whether it's on a $100K boat, a $5K plane, with an $800 plane ticket or a free ride from a friend, the adventure is the same. Now quit rolling your eyes, and get going! We'll see you out there.

Happy birthday. I love you.


Go on.


And don't forget to laugh.

Wednesday, September 2, 2009

PLACES EVERYONE!


DYLAN
Stone Lake, Wisconsin
August 25, 2009


CASEY
Angers, France
September 1, 2009


CHIP & TAMMY
Still here.
September 2, 2009

Tuesday, August 4, 2009

SHARING WHAT?


I keep thinking we'll reach the end of things that make people say, "You're doing WHAT?!?!"

No. In fact, apartment sharing might be the hardest to explain.

Here's how it works. When our friend Yvonne was leaving the beach in late July, her family decided to keep the apartment in order to vacation for a few days in August. Our deal with them was simple: we live in it until you need it at which time we'll skedaddle.

So, this Thursday through Sunday, we're moving back out. Okay not really moving out, just moving our bodies out.

Yeah, weird. Whatever.

Meanwhile, we took Ted out for hot dogs, baseball and kettle corn. Fun times.

Ted and Nancy left this morning to go back to New Jersey. The apartment is very quiet.

Saturday, August 1, 2009

GEORGE AND GRACIE


Camp III is full of people, laughter and food. Casey is now staying with us. Chip's parents, Ted and Nancy, came Friday. Dylan starting spending the night too and then Brett. So far, we've been growing by an average of one person per day. Last night we slept seven people.

At this rate, we might need to rent an additional apartment....

Overheard @ Camp III:

Nancy: You know why I don't buy celery?
Us: Why?
Nancy: Because I don't like it.
Ted: Oh, I love celery.
Us: Nancy, why don't you buy celery for Ted?
Nancy: He does the shopping.
Us: Ted, why don't you buy celery?
Ted: It's not on the list!

---

When Nancy lost her phone, Dylan called it so we could search. A few minutes later.
Nancy: Oh look! Dylan called. But he didn't leave a message!

---

Ted: I'm going to run away to an island where nobody can find me.
Nancy: Nobody will look.

Monday, July 13, 2009

LANDBOUND CELEBRATION


Chip's birthday was July 3rd, typically our busiest day of the year at the wine shop, and therefore a lousy time to "celebrate." We had a reenactment yesterday.

We started the day at Wendy's attempting to bake a cake that, in retrospect, apparently requires advanced pastry chef training to execute. It was a Genoise Classique cake with a pina colada variation on the syrup and frosting. Holy cow. The "Classique" recipe was three pages long, filled with challenging maneuvers requiring advanced equipment and a hammer and nails. Really.

My favorite moment was while the cake was in the oven. The recipe said the cake can fall easily so don't even open the oven door. We were all tiptoeing around whispering until we got distracted by trying to open a fresh coconut, eventually culminating with Chip pounding it with a hammer -- right next to the stove. Strangely, the cake turned out fine.

Casey, Dylan and Brett cooked dinner at our house, and we all gathered around the miracle cake to sing. Lily, as you can see, was shocked and amazed by the whole thing. When Chip blew out the candles, she started screaming like we'd lit her.

The cards were opened. The cake was eaten.

We all agreed. That cake was not worth the effort. Genoise Classique. Ooh la la.

Happy Birthday nonetheless, Chip. I promise, the next one will be on the water.

UPDATE:
--More boat and business inquiries
--Less stuff

Monday, April 20, 2009

A VERY, VERY, VERY FINE HOUSE


"Will you be sad when we move out of this house?" I asked Chip last night as we sat on the back deck.

"Emotional maybe."

This started a long and happy reminiscence of how our lives are interwoven so intricately in the walls of this house, in the floors, the trees even the sand underneath. Before the first piling was driven, we spent hours drawing out our floor plan, discussing the pros and cons with the kids. Even before we got blueprints, I made two little three-dimensional paper houses using graph paper and foam core. We would lift off the top floor and peer inside, moving around paper cutouts of our furniture and beds.

As the house was being constructed, we visited every day, monitoring every development. One day we arrived to find a doorway where there was supposed to be a closet!

When the walls were up but before they installed the sheetrock, we brought the kids over armed with cans of spray paint. They sprayed words and pictures on the walls and floors of their rooms, now sealed away for posterity. When the foundation was poured we brought them over to put their small handprints in the wet concrete, along with a tribute to my grandmother who died the same day.

The blue sky and clouds painted on the ceiling of Casey's now empty room still makes me smile. The day she and I painted it, she was 12. I explained to her how careful we needed to be with the blue paint because the walls had already been painted white. Then, of course, it was me not her who swiped a big blue swath across the white wall. And then I did it again. Boy, did we laugh until we cried.

Chip and I assembled the English-style garden in the backyard brick by brick. We drove to Elizabeth City 45 minutes away to pick them up, creeping nervously with them teetering in the back of the truck. When the bricks were done, we used a wheelbarrow to ferry the gravel from the pile in front to the walkway in back. We cut timber and drove stakes for the raised beds. Last year we installed a fence around the backyard.

The Crepe Myrtle now so tall in the front yard was a Mother's Day present from Chip and the kids the first year we lived here. The birch tree in back was the same two years ago.

The pine floors recall the longest, hottest day that July when our friends Joe and Jenniffer helped us lay them. The doorknob reminds me of when Sparky and Jenniffer puzzled over how to install it.


Everywhere, everywhere we look there is a story that only we can tell.

Will we be sad to leave it? On the contrary, this phase of our lives is complete. The next phase is one we long to start. When the day comes, we'll thank this house for seeing us through and set off with happy tears, ready to leave it behind.

Saturday, January 10, 2009

A COMMON GOAL


A lot of water has passed over the rocks since I last wrote. Those rocks on the right there are in the mountains outside Asheville where we went to see "all our children," the biological and the acquired.

Casey lives in Asheville with her boyfriend, Dave. Dylan, who lives in Wilmington, was passing through on his way back from Ireland with Brett, who attends Warren Wilson College just outside of Asheville.

On the seven-hour drive from the beach to the western tip of North Carolina, we wondered if we had some unfinished "business" with the kids, if perhaps we needed to assure them our plans include rather than exclude them. While that seemed obvious to us, maybe it wasn't to them and maybe this was the right time to make sure we're all pulling in the same direction.

I guess you can't overestimate the power of spoken transparency. Don't assume it's obvious. Say it. We're all working on a new, grownup understanding of how we fit together and how we can help each other realize our dreams.

And how we all need a little help now and then.

LATELY:
--the store rocked out in December.
--we spent New Year's Eve and New Year's Day doing inventory :-(
--I got a Canon EOS 40d camera for my birthday. No, those aren't pics with the new camera. stay tuned....
--Island Packet introduced a new 36' boat. Interesting.
--I'm newly unemployed as of yesterday (temporary layoff)