It is apparent to me at this particular waypoint -- having quite successfully planned the disposal of a lifetime of belongings and stepped across the water onto a boat -- that I maybe failed a little bit at projecting the emotional impact of removing my entire foundation, of willfully flinging the carpet out from under my life. I thought doing it on purpose would make it all fun and lighthearted.
And, god knows, there have been happy moments and those dividends will be paying us back for years.
But there's the proverbial moment when the Pink Panther steps off a cliff but has not yet begun to fall. No amount of jaunty in-air paddling can stave off the inevitable. Where's the fun in planning that?
So, on this emotional plunge, I plummet through the emotional spectrum, anger then giddiness, then intense stress, then utter frustration. Chip and I go from hand-in-hand camaraderie at the sheer joy of accomplishing our goals to sniping at each other like siblings in the backseat.
We both feel scattered, shattered, fragmented, not in a tragic way but in an I-can't-find-my-pillow-and-I-want-to-cry and an I'm-falling-off-the-edge-of-the-world-holy-shit-oh-no-but-this-is-really-freaking-cool sort of way.
But doesn't that make sense when you think about it? Someone else lives in our house. Our old boat is now with new owners. Our belongings have been scattered far and wide, like little bits of us sprinkled all across the country.
I recognize that this sounds whiny and ungrateful, but what I'm leaving here is a blueprint for those who want to reboot their lives. Doing great things, making life-altering changes comes with sacrifice. It would be disingenuous not to acknowledge that.
When the stakes are high, so is the price of playing the game.
And, god knows, there have been happy moments and those dividends will be paying us back for years.
But there's the proverbial moment when the Pink Panther steps off a cliff but has not yet begun to fall. No amount of jaunty in-air paddling can stave off the inevitable. Where's the fun in planning that?
So, on this emotional plunge, I plummet through the emotional spectrum, anger then giddiness, then intense stress, then utter frustration. Chip and I go from hand-in-hand camaraderie at the sheer joy of accomplishing our goals to sniping at each other like siblings in the backseat.
We both feel scattered, shattered, fragmented, not in a tragic way but in an I-can't-find-my-pillow-and-I-want-to-cry and an I'm-falling-off-the-edge-of-the-world-holy-shit-oh-no-but-this-is-really-freaking-cool sort of way.
But doesn't that make sense when you think about it? Someone else lives in our house. Our old boat is now with new owners. Our belongings have been scattered far and wide, like little bits of us sprinkled all across the country.
I recognize that this sounds whiny and ungrateful, but what I'm leaving here is a blueprint for those who want to reboot their lives. Doing great things, making life-altering changes comes with sacrifice. It would be disingenuous not to acknowledge that.
When the stakes are high, so is the price of playing the game.
2 comments:
Hi Tammy,
I have come across some of your older posts since following many of the topic links out of Monkeys Fist. I really enjoy your writing and I find your insights and perspective so inspirational.
We are currently at the stage of trying to sell our house, researching boats, riding the pendulum of feeling so excited at the possibilities to alleviating each other's fears of making a live changing decision and trying to distinguish naysayers from sage advisors in friends and family. Sometimes I feel like it is in reach, and other times like it will never happen.
Reading your blog and the blogs of some others I have found, like sv-Totem's, has been like finding a support group of other women, though we may never meet.
Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.
Safe travels.
Hi ANONYMOUS!
I hope you stop back by here to read this. PLEASE use the comment form to get in touch. I'd love to help you through this crazy transition, just a friendly ear, someone who has been through it.
Best of luck to you!!!
Tammy
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