Wednesday, August 13, 2008


They say in the last moments before you die, your whole life flashes before you.

But in these slow days of August, as I sort through every old letter, every photo, every file, every song I own, it is not death but wanting to live that makes my whole life flash slowly before me. I smile, I weep, I soar, I grit my teeth, I clinch my fists, I miss, I remember, I relive, I grieve, I laugh out loud.

I made this trip through my life once before when I got divorced at 32. now, 16 years later, I have half again as much life to relive. I've gained so much, new family, new friends, yet lost my father, my grandmother.

Yeah, going back through it all, it's exhausting, sometimes it's miserable and by turns exhilarating. At the end of each day, I crumble in a washed out exhausted heap. It's my life. All of it.

--too many CDs to count
--resting up for another teak attack

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